The ZPG Carol

[ZPG = Zero Population Growth]

King Herod the Malthusian
Was cast into confusion
By rumors of a Baby Bomb
Time-set in his vicinity -
Predicted with a great aplomb
By doctors of divinity.

On hearing this he turned quite Green
-It pleased him not at all.
It really, really raised his spleen
And made his spirit fall;
And courtiers standing by his throne
"I hear it ticking!" heard him groan.

But once the bile had reached his head,
He spoke aloud, and this he said:
"I must be quite severe.
I think all babies should be dead,
To save the Ecosphere.
Not for myself I fear -
It is the Ecosphere.

All children warm the air,
Exhaling CO2.
I deeply, deeply care -
And this is what I'll do:

To stop this air pollution,
As experts all agree,
The only right solution
Is a stringent ZPG!
Prepare for execution -
I'll prune your family tree!"

Such was the grim conclusion
Of Herod the Malthusian.
........

He did not win, although he tried.
The Baby lived. King Herod died.
The "Baby Bomb" exploded
With splendid overkill;
The Ecosphere eroded,
And is eroding still.

The human tree is growing:
Increase and Multiply!
Fill the earth to overflowing -
Then go and fill the sky!

The Bomb, it must have missed us,
In spite of great eclat:
So have a Merry Christmas
And a Happy Hanukkah!